swiltcher

So Daniel is back from his three and a half week over seas trip to the middle east. I am VERY happy he is back. the bad thing is. he was a little sick when he got here, and now (a week later) he has a fever that wont break, and he is in so much pain. he is not responding to the antibiotics that the doctor gave him. i have a feeling he might have malaria. some of the other guys came back with it. but the stupid military doctor wont see him again. if his fever doesnt go away by tomorrow morning, i am taking him to the hospital to find out what he has. my poor baby is sick!

stephanie

I had my first OB/GYN appointment today with my doctor. She said that I have low Progesterone levels and that if it doesnt raise, i may have another miscarriage. i really hope that doesnt happen. she gave me a perscription for progesterone. PLEASE let it work

-Steph

So yeah... I am pregnant again!!! woo! and i am REALLY hoping that this one goes well. i had an emergency ultrasound on tuesday because i was bleeding a little, but everything is okay. AND there is only one baby in there. good thing.

What really sucks about this one is that Daniel leaves for a deployment in June and wont be back in time for the baby being born! GAHH!!!! luckily i have family and friends that are going to be here for me. i am super excited. i am 6 weeks pregnant right now. just a butt load of time to go!

-Stephanie

It all started out when Daniel (my husband) and I were going to go shopping for some groceries. I had missed my period and that never happens. Daniel kept on saying, "You're pregnant" and I just kept denying it. Even though I was pretty sure that I was. We bought a pregnancy test that had two sticks in them (EXPENSIVE)and finished shopping. Now I know the box says to use "morning pee" to get the most accurate results, but i figure, if it is positive, then it is positive. So as soon as i got home, i whipped out one of those pee sticks and took the test. About three and a half minutes later, i take a look at it and there on the tiny little screen is the word PREGNANT. i was so shocked that i was speechless. I went out and showed the pregnancy test to daniel. he just looked at me, smiled and said "I told you". The next day i took the other one just to be sure and there again were the words "PREGNANT". I was pregnant. i was going to have a baby.

Over the next few days i told the people who worked in my room with me (i workd at a daycare with infants and two other women) that i took two pregnancy tests and that they were positive. they did the whole congratualtions thing. Later that night i was on myspace and i was writing one of my other friends in misawa (where i was living). i told her that i was pregnant but not to tell anyone one the base (it is a small base and news gets around too quickly there). funny thing was... SHE had just found out that she was pregnant too. The next day i went to the clinic on base to the OB/GYN. they did the blood work and took the pee test and later that day i got a call from them confirming what i already knew. they set up appointments for me to get my prenatals and for my first ultrasound (eight weeks).

It was the day of my first OB appointment. Daniel was with me. we were waiting for the doctor to come in to do the ultrasound. he finally came in and started the INVASIVE ultrasound. he was looking around, and there he shows us the little flicker (the baby's heartbeat). you couldnt tell that it was a baby... it just looked like a little blob. It was amazing. He starts moving the stick thing around some more and as he is doing that, Daniel says, "Now there is only one in there right?" JOKINGLY!!! he was totally just saying that as a joke. The doctor responds, "Actually..." My head whips around at the screen hoping he is kidding. "There is the other heartbeat right there!" says the doctor. i was in shock! TWINS! daniel and i always joked about twins. but they dont run in the family or anything. as the doctor is still looking around, he was trying to find something. "i dont see a membrane separating the two" So i thought, SWEET IDENTICAL TWINS! that seemed to worry the doctor. he went to get another doctor just to confirm it. She took a look and agreed that both the babies were in one amniotic sac. after everything was done, the doctor took us into his office to discuss our situation. what situation? how serious? i didnt understand to the fullest of what exactly was going on. i was too excited that were having twins. Dr. M (is what i will call him) closed the door and pulled out a red file folder. it said high risk. he explained to us that i was pregnant with monoamniotic twins. it is very rare and is EXTREMELY high risk. the reason behind that is because since the babies are in one amniotic sac, there is a much higher risk that their umbilical cords can become entangled and cut off blood supply to one or both of the babies. Now he still wasnt a hundred percent sure that they were monoamniotic so we made a follow up appointment the for the next week to confirm. some really cool news that he gave us was that being such a high risk, we would have to leave Misawa and be stationed somewhere that had great neonatal care and a doctor that specializes in high risk pregnancies. i was so happy to hear that we were going to leave misawa. he also said that i would have to be hospitalized and closly monitored at 24 weeks. that is the time where the babies could possbly survive outside of the womb should GOD FORBID something happen. he also said that this type of twins has a 50/50 chance of survival. after leaving the doctor that afternoon, i had to go back to work. i was crying. i was freaking out with all the information that he told me. i had the ultrasound pictures in my had looking at them. he showed me where the head of both babies were and just kept looking at them. after i calmed down i entered my work and just went by people. i didnt want them to know i was crying. so i went straight back to my room. before i entered, i decided to go down the hall to see my good friend erika. i went in to show her the ultrasound. i said "here you can see the head and here... is the other baby's head" Erika looked at me in such shock and she started to cry a little. she was so happy for me. I told my family and they couldnt believe it. it was a hard year considering two grandfathers and and aunt died. it was not a good year. so here was sone really good news.

the next week we went back for the follow up ultrasound. the babies actually looked like babies! you could see their little heads and their limbs. and boy were they moving like crazy. they looked like they were boxing or something. i started to laugh. Dr. M said "That is why this is such a high risk. with them moving around like that, the cords get tangled too easily." he was able to confirm that they WERE monoamniotic twins. not new news to me. we got started on making an EFMP package. it was to get us out of this base to a place that had our needs.

over the next few weeks, i had minor morning sickness. and i really craved tomatoes and meat. which sucked since i was a vegetarian. my friend who happened to be pregnant with me, Shaydee, always talked about what we were going through (she was only having one). i read books and started to keep a journal. everything was going great. i had a couple doctors appointments where i heard the heartbeats, and did blood work and all that. i was 16 weeks along and we had just moved out of our house and we only had about a week and a half to go before we were leaving. (we found out we were going to utah). we were living in the hotel on base. Now i remember this like it was yesterday. It was a tuesday and i had my final appointment before we left. we were supposed to be that thursday when we left. we went to the doctor, both daniel and i. now i was worried that i wasnt growing enough concidering that i had two inside me. she measured my uterus and said i measured 22 weeks (even though i was only 17 1/2) and that is why i didnt feel big. my uterus us abopve my belly button instead of lower. that made sense. i felt fatter in stomach area. that gave me a sense of relief. she had some trouble finding either one of their heartbeats, which i was a little excited about because that meant that i got to have an ultrasound. we went in to the room and she placed that goo on my belly. she smeared it around a little bit and started going over my belly. i saw my babies, but they were not moving. the doctor had a hard time finding their heartbeats. both of them. she left for a moment and went to get dr M. i started freaking out. Daniel tried to comfort me saying that it was okay. Dr M came in and he took a look. it was quiet for a very long time. finally he looked at my husband and i. i will never forget that face he made. he felt so bad he couldnt speak. he just shook his head. i nearly lost it. my babies were dead. i was crying uncontrollably and daniel started to cry too. the doctors left us for a while to give us a minute. how could this have happened?! finally he came back in and apologize sincerelly. he started to talk about our options. he recommended that i get induce rather than have a D&C (which is a surgery to remove them). i agreed. we went back to the hotel to think it over. i called my mom and my sister. but that was all i could muster up to call. i told daniel that i wanted to get it over with. i didnt want to be walking around with my dead babies inside me. when other women got to walk around with living babies. it wasnt fair. we went back to the clinic, and went down into Labor and Delivery. they put me in the same place where other women were giving birth to their healthy babies. i couldnt stop crying. all i kept saying was that i want my babies.

in the hospital, they needed to draw blood. they had the hardest time. my veins have always been small, but this was rediculous. it took 6 different people and 11 sticks with a needle to get some blood out of me and to pu an IV in. in my arms, hand, and even in my foot. it was horrible. they finally had to call the on call doctor to do it. after about two hours, they moved me into a different room. there were no baby things in there. i think it was just a recovery room. outside my door there was a paper with a leaf and a tearsdrop or something that read "Gone, but not forgotten" it was away from all the other mothers. the doctor came in gave me some petosin. he told me i could have anything i wanted for pain. it didnt matter. he was such a wonderful doctor. he also said that he wanted to start me on petosin to ease me into the labor. LABOR! i was going to give birth, but i wasnt going to be able to take them home. after a few hours on petosin, he started this other induction medicine that he had to actually insert in my cervix to drain the fluid and do other things. by the next afternoon, i still was not feeling much pain (other than emotional). he then decided to do the finall induction process. they were little pills that were to be inserted into me every three hours. this was supposed to make me have contractions and stuff. after about the fourth dose (around 7 30 pm) i was in so much pain. i was having contractions every 20 seconds. there were no breaks. the doctor was in there the whole time with me for every one. after 20 minutes of unbearable pain, i told him i wanted the eppidurhal. the anesthesiologist came in eventually. they had tried to give me two hits of morphine, but it didnt even touch the pain. when the anesthesiologist came in, they prepared my back. i didnt see the needle, i didnt care to look. all i knew was that i wanted the pain to stop. the breavement councilor was in there holding me still while they gave me the eppidurhal. after that, i was not allowed to leave my bed. they gave me a catheder and everything. the pain was gone. they gave me the machine to control the amount of medicine to give me. after all that was done and everything settled down, I found out that Erika was there to visit me. i told them to let her in. she came in and she started crying. apparently she had found out when daniel had to go back to the hotel to get some things and she happen to call from work to see if i wanted to go to lunch. daniel told her what happend and she started to cry in front of the people at work. i didnt want people to know. i just wanted to get out of misawa. but i guess the people at the CDC saw her crying and someone somewhere had heard that a woman on base had just lost her twins. i dont know how they heard it. but i was the only woman on base who was pregnant with twins. so they put two and two together. erika and i talked for a while and finally she left around 8 30 ish. i fell asleep. daniel fell asleep too. now i dont remember the time it happened, all i know is that it was wednesday night. i woke up to feeling something pop. my water finally broke. i woke up daniel and told him to get the doctor. Dr M came in to examine me. he told me that one of them came out half way when my wate broke. he told me to push and the baby came out. he told me to push again and after a minute. the other one came out. it was done. they were out. i was no longer pregnant. i asked to see them. he held out one of them and asked if he could tell what the sex was. they were girls. i had twin girls. just what i wanted. the nurse wrapped them up in teeny tiny blankets and gave a teeny weenie little stuffed animal with each so i could tell one from the other. Daniel and i decided to name them Penelope and Delilah. Delilah was slightly lighter but longer than Penelope, and Penelope was shorter but fatter. not by much. I asked Dr. M how they died. all he could think of was that it was a cord accident. the ting is, if one of them died, the other would too. as i held them, they fit in the palm of my hand. they were so small, but they had all of their organs and everything. their mouths opened and they had really tiny ears. their eyes were still sealed shut, but they were beautiful.

Now after a while of holding them, people came in to talk about our options on what to do with them. it was either let the hospital deal with it, or have them cremated off base. we decided that we would have them cremated. after all the decisions were made, the doctor told me that my placenta still had not come out, and if it didnt come out by morning, i would have to have a D&C to get it out. the rest of the night i my back was hurting. i called the nurse and she gave me a hot pack to put on my back. the next morning, my placenta still had not come out on its own, and at 7 am the doctors come in to take me to the OR. the problem was, i couldnt move. the eppidurhal medicine went out hours ago, but i was unable to move my legs. the anesthesiologist came and looked at my back. he saw the hot pack and freaked out. my back was swollen and he thought my spine had bled out. i dont remember much of what happened next. i was wheeled to the OR where they put me under. i woke up hours later with my husband to my side. he was worried about me. apparently the nurse was NOT supposed to put a hot pack on my back. daniel was told that there was a possibility that i would be paralyzed. ALSO that with a D&C there was a risk that i would have to get a hysterctemy. he was so worried. fortuantely neither of those things happened. and i recovered PHYSICALLY fine. i was an emotional mess. the hospital staff were putting together a little memory box for me. the dental office made little plaster moldings of their arms and legs. i still have that.

after we left the hosptal, i couldnt stop crying. i didnt want to see anyone. we went off base and went to this little shop where they sold urns. we picked out the two tiniest ones they had. that friday, we went to the cremetorium. now, in japanese culture, when a loved one dies, the family picks out their bones to put them into the urns. we did not know this. when he asked us this question, we said no.

there we were. two tiny urns and two broken hearts. we had lost our babies. i dont consider it a miscarriage. they were still born. i keep to this day wondering why me? how could something like this happen? the odds of us having this type of twins was like one in 50,000. or something like that. it was a fluke in the system. there is a FIVE HOUR period in the whole nine months of pregnancy that this type of twin happens. and it happened to us. we had boughten a stroller and carseats. diaper bag and everything. we still have them in case we have another child. which i hope i will. i was reall looking forward to having those twins. those precious baby girls. My Penelope and Delilah. And i will never forget them.

-Stephanie Wiltcher

... I must wait until I get home and have more time to write it where i will not be desturbed. It is the story of my loss. My loss of Penelope and Delilah.

.. I shall tell it another day...

-Stephanie

Ok so i havent really written anything in the longest time. it is so hot here that the walls could be sweating. i dont know how people used to live without A/C. stupid misawa wont let us have it here. gay.

pregnant with identical twins. what a treat. my face when i found out could have been priceless. i couldnt believeit. i still dont believe it. i just hope everything turns out ok for them both and that they are healthy. on a REALLY good note, me being pregnant with twins lets us get out of here sooner than we were originally going to. that is the best thing ever!!

steph

ok so jeanette and i have this brilliant idea. we are going to be writing a story that has to do with harry potter, and it takes place after the seventh book happens. i am so excited about this story that i could scream just thinking about it.

in the meantime, we finally got a desk for our spare bedroom, so now we can keep the computer on that. also, daniel found a brand new flat screen computer monitor down in the trash room that apparently someone threw out. so daniel took it. it works great, and there is not a scratch on it. so now we have the two screens, and it is pretty cool. i like it.

our friend just moved into his new house off base in New Town. it is pretty small but not a bad little place.

i am still sick.... my throat is driving me crazy. it hurts when i swallow. i dont know what is the deal with it. i just want it to get better.

OH!!!! this week is going to be the last week of summer for the kids!!! that means no more working all day!!! i finally will be able to have that little break in the morning/afternoon. nothing else... really... hmmmm... wadda wadda king kog!!! hahaha i dont know

-Stephanie

oh my god... i thought moulder was going to die. i think he eventually will die in the show, but i really dont want him too. i love him. he reminds me of dib from Invader Zim. he is always trying to prove about the alien life. it is just so funny.
-Stephanie

ok so i am totally going through this X Files phase. i dont know why. i mean, i havent even the show since i was like 10 or something. how old was i in 93? OH i was like 7. WOW! i used to watch it with my dad, and i remember this one episode that freaked me out. but i dont remember it too well and i cant decide if it was X Files or something else. i just dont know. gotta go to work!
-Stephanie

my grandpa died.
-stephanie

I got to ride in jet the other friday ago. it was the coolest thing ever. i didnt get to go up in the air, but i got the taxi ride. How many people can honestly say they have done that? i dont know of anyone that i know, other than the people who get incentive flights because they are in the military and good at their jobs
steph

OH MY GOD! i HATE my class already. We were assigned to work in groups for this big presentation at the end of our term. Well, that was the first thing. I am also the youngest person in my class, and they all treat me like i am the YOUNGEST PERSON IN THE WORLD! they look at me when they think they say something complicated, and i get so mad when they do that. and i was only there for an hour and a half! THEN... when we were separated into our groups, we had to get the names of everyone and our email addresses. so i offered to write them all down and i would email all the information to everybody. well, as i was writing all the information down, they decided to look at the topics for our presentation and have them pick them out. well i was the last person to pick, so all the good topics, that i would know SOMETHING about were taken. i was stuck with the WORST topic in the world. not only is it hard, but i was given TWO topics! everyone else got one, and i was stuck with TWO!!! thats right, TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH! THEN when i got home (almost crying, mind you) i emailed everyone, and i made the email awesome. all the information was there and i did it right when i got home, so that was one GOOD thing. well then i decided to look up one of the words from my topics, because one of my topics is to define a word as it is used in infants and toddlers. well the word doesnt even EXIST in the whole INTERNET! i looked it up on GOOGLE, on YAHOO, Dictionary.com, EVEN ask.com. and i never use that. the word doesnt exist. how am i supposed to define the word and how it is used in infants and toddlers, when the word cant be found ANYWHERE?! can you tell me that?! i am so mad right now. OH! ok so after our classes, we are supposed to get together in our groups somewhere outside the environment of the classroom. well we decided to meet at one of the women's office! i dont work well in uncomfortable looking places, and now i have to work with SEVEN other people in a stressful environment. i hate it. it just makes me so mad. i am the youngest with the most work, and PROBABLY the hardest. this is just CRAP!!!

i am sick and so tired. and the worst thing is... i have to WORK this weekend. the stupid ORI excercise is going on through the weekend so that means i have to work.

daniel found gauntlet for Xbox and i really want to get it. then i will actually have a game to play on the xbox. they also have a sims game game and that will be fun too. i cant wait to get it. i made daniel promise me that he wont return the darn thing. i will be so mad if he does. the silly kid.

-Stephanie

my husband made a stupid chore chart. and we have to go by it. if we dont then we have to put two dollars into a jar, and the person who had to put the least amount of money in the jar, gets the money to spend on whatever we want. and just today, daniel got an X box. oh boy.

-Stephanie

i am starving.

-Stephanie

I went on my FRIENDS fiasco, and now i am on my Sex and the City rampage. it is awesome.

so my husband is on Mid shift now. it is so lame. He works from 2 AM until 11 AM. So he is getting up at 12 30 AM. it is rediculous.

This weekend was wonderful. Daniel and i went to Hachinohe on saturday and we bought tons of things. it was fun because we had tons of bags, and everything was for our house. just some little knick knack kind of things. and it is making our house more homey. Then we went to this Italian restaraunt in Shimoda, and it was just a wonderful day. Man i had a good weekend. then on sunday we cleaned our house, and now it looks fabulous!!!

Man i am happy this weekend. But i have to close this week, and then next week i believe we have the ORI inspection. So i am going to have to work that weekend. that is really going to suck.

-Stephanie

Today Daniel, me, Andrew, and Amber went to Morioka to the mall because apparently they have a starbucks there and a Gap store. it is just weird now to see the American stores here in japan. And i gotta tell you, having starbucks after a long time was REALLY nice. The taste was so good in my tummy. It takes like an hour and a half to get to morioka, or Three hours if you dont take the toll road. but the toll road is expensive. it costs like 60 bucks there and back. it is just rediculous. But man was that coffee tasty.

We also got some cool things from this store that looks like a hippie joint, but it has all kinds of things from india and indonesia and things like that. i totally fell in love with these places. As well as the places that sell antique-like stuff.

Man i am so happy that i get the mornings off of work this week. I dont have to get up until like noon or something. WOO!

-Stephanie

ok so i finally got the other painting uploaded. this is a smaller painting. like a 5" by 7" paintint, but it was hard all the same. Enjoy:






so what do you think? Tell me if you think i could make money off of some of these paintings.

-Stephanie

So this is the painting that i have been working on for almost a year. i still am not done, but this is the work in progress. now i know i should not show a work in progress, but i just cant help it. Well here it is:






So yeah. there is another one, but the internet is not allowing me to download it.

-Stephanie

i got new pants. i got new pants. i got new pants.... la la la la la!

Ah my nails are growing nicely. they are stronger and they are quite lovely!

i need to finish that DARN painting. When daniel gets home today, we are going to the Mokuteki for dinner. I think we are going to get chicken wings.

-Stephanie